Someone at my job is doing a major scam.

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Dear Caution,

I have a low stakes question for you. I work for an architecture, engineering, and construction firm, and a few years ago, two of my colleagues came out as trans and changed their pronouns. One of them includes “he/it” as part of their email signature; The other who uses “she/it” does not. My entire team regularly works with clients in person or via Zoom, and it makes sense to me that “Mike” would want to avoid any pass misleading. (It also makes sense that “Julie” doesn’t care – it’s entirely my colleagues’ business and decision to make!)

However, I have noticed something that I find strange and disgusting. Another colleague of mine, cis/het (and traditionally “femme” with a feminine noun), added “she/it” to her email signatures.

Maybe it’s in an effort to support Mike, but it just seems weird and distracting. Like I said, low stakes and doesn’t really affect me, although I’ve seen some puzzled or appraised clients look in her direction in meetings after they “meet” her via email. When we’re all in a meeting with a client, it sometimes feels like a game of “guess who’s mutant here,” which if I were Mike, would make me feel a little uneasy. (I’ve asked him what he thinks about it—he and I have been really close since before he moved on; I don’t work directly with Julie—and he shrugs and kind of rolls his eyes. He agrees it’s weird, but it doesn’t seem to bother him.) I think I find him… strange. And a little bit like it mimics my own actual Cross co-workers experience?

—Is a co-worker trying to “pass” as trans?

Dear try to “pass”,

Oh no! I think there was a misunderstanding here. Your cis colleague’s use of pronouns in her bio may be an attempt to support Mike specifically — but it may be an attempt to support diverse and transgender people in general. A very popular endeavor, in fact! Start paying attention to your email signatures and the social media platforms you might be using, and you’ll see that a lot of people are doing the same thing. For more information on why, check this out Explanation from the LGBTQ Nation: The primary motivation is that it “normalizes discussions about gender” in the workplace and also sends “a signal to your LGBTQ co-workers that you are a person who a.) understands and respects the importance of gender pronouns for cisgender and non-binary people, and b. ) can be a trusted confidant and refuge for issues of gender equality and diversity in the workplace.”

Having said that, even very well-intentioned actions like this can land badly, and of course there is no consensus among trans people that it is helpful for cis people to put their pronouns out there (just as there is no consensus in any marginalized group about what they need him or appreciate).
If I were you, I’d take a cue from Mike, who seems to find this practice a little odd in the context of your workplace, and I don’t do it myself. But also, rest assured that Jolie isn’t doing anything on a massive scale that’s out of the ordinary normal.

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